hi

2007-01-12T08:24:00.000-08:00

wee,its been a long time since u blogged,yeah i think i need to share my feelings to my blog once again. i think i am unsure of myself,why do i have to let love spoil my moods,why think so much about it,why do you care so much and be troubled. For a few day i felt so carefree once again,and once again im back in my emo state,why??? becoz of her??? becoz of someone who is so far away from u,yeah shes so far and she just wun like u,yeah i knew tt,but i just cannot control my feelings.I always tell myself,i had given up on her b4,and i should go for it and try,but is it worth the try?

for a moment i tot i am getting closer to her,but am i really? no...! and recently i think i am so irritating,trying to get attention from her,and i think shes just sick of me...should i go on?? i wan ur attention,i wan u to share ur worries with me,but can it be done..??

2006-10-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

god , how many times u wan me to suffer becoz of joyce..? i suddenly have this low blood pressure and i am demoralised enough,why fuking do this.

i always knew this day would come,and it came 2day,i knew this felicia problem will eventually affect me n joyce de relationship,i quarrel wif her becoz of that,and she keeps side fel and juz wan us to 4giv her,but wtf,why she come in,why must she come in and knowing that i love her so much would get hurt,and she wan come into the problem?? firstly knowing she is goin to leave rp is damn fuking sad le,do u see my depress face?? no!! do u noe how i feel ? no!!! i nv show u,and i dun wan u to know,coz i dun wan u more problem,i always think of u in many ways beocz of wad? coz i love u,but i heard frm some hearsay that u love someone else,wtf?? if tt is the case jolly well tell me,and not let me wait,w/o knowing whether i am waiting for smth impossible or not...!! u noe when u call me,kenneth wan listen and i dun feel like toking abt felicia matter,and fuk,neo u go scold her,i dun blame u,u mean well 4 me,but deep inside me,i fuking sad u noe,every word u say to joyce hurts me too,nabei den joyce blame me,and when i talk to her,she shout at me like wad,its my fault? huh!!! i noe u angry i also ma,u tink wad? i ultimate tanking machine??? i wun angry one ah...tts why i tok back loud at u,but u tink i song ah,knn i first time cry in front of ppl since i was younger,and wad u keep say wad end , end end that fuking frenship,ccb if can i sure end,not becoz of u, i ended it long ago,and i can also end it as i feel u drifting away,but wad?? in the end afta i cooldown abit,my hart soften,i go apologise,i go help her settle,becoz i wan her happy,but u noe ma??? i hav alot to say to u joyce...i wanna tell u not to leave rp,i wan ask u how u feel of me,i wan ask many many stuffs but i dun wan,coz i noe it may bring more troubles to u,and btw u said u tried to love me,but eventually not,why..? why cant u juz love me huh?? i can do so many things for u,i even constantly remind myself to do anything for u ,if i know tt u got the needs,and i dun wan any return but for wad..? can u pls tell me or prove to me wad i do is worth it...can anot?? or else i have to be harsh here *just fuking tell me u dun like me,and stop me from dreaming on...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuk .....fuking problem, btw pls cherish me and show it unless u r gonna lose me as a fren or wad,becoz u may think i am a clown,but i am not,i entertain to let ppl happy and i also need happiness too,and if u cannt make me happy,jolly well fuk off,i dun need fukers in my life.... ahhhhhhhhhhh save me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i love joyce,i still love joyce,although i always tell u all i would giv her up,but i cannot,becoz i had already put her in front of myself) joyce love me once and for all,can??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

2006-09-26T05:08:00.000-07:00

haiz...wad a bad day today. hmms firstly i want thx canoeist for ur concern,i wun let u guys down,i noe u guys will be there for me..and also joyce,thx for cheering me up. haiz today my mind very mixed up,all the bad thoughts in my mind,and most importantly,i m missing her,though i m wif her,haiz dun0 how explain. she went to fnd me in the class for 1st brk,wooo,i damn happy,but i saw him wif a guy , i have nth against him,he is a nice guy too,but i am juz jealous haiz,when will i learnt,and my jealousy got over my mind,i attitude her abit,i confessed,haiz when can i stop hurting her,i wan u good .nvm i will learn,i wanna learn to be by ur side doing all sorts of thing for ur well-being,and not wanting any return.i will do that i believe. she has already be a princess in my life,i wanna care 4 her, i wanna take care of her,but i am afraid she might feel weird,haiz yst nelson mention some guys name that i tink she like,its been running thru my mind. den still got the kenneth and them problem,i dun0 how to handle,i really hope we will be the same as last time la.but i noe its impossible,joyce u noe it hurts me see u like tt,i am hurt u noe,i dun wan u troubled,if i can i rather its all me,den u can live happier rite,anyway juz hate me and suffer, and u can live a happy life but i cant,i wan be by ur side supporting u thru all the way,i cannnt lose my stands,i am clinging on to the edge just to care for u. haiz i noe when we go back to level 4 i walked away,becoz u said "go away". my hart is bleeding u noe,dun hurt me like tt can? i walked away wif sadness,i want to die u noe.u noe at the moment i feel like pulling u to one corner and tell u all my feelings,i really hav alot to say to u.my frens keep ask me why am i sad,i replied "no la,nth" but its u,i am afraid someday u might juz hate me and juz like ur nick,smile and walk away. haiz wads a medal to others?? their effort?? their sweat?? their glory?? to me its not...its about trying to win smth becoz i believe that u live in my hart,i wan win smth becoz of u,i wan u to be my reason why. tts why i wanted to win so much.
joyce u noe how i feel not? sometimes i really am afraid u may juz cleanly forgotten me,u r so impt to me,i noe u r the girl i wan,thou i may not be the one u wan...but as long as possible,i would want to try my best to do things for u,everything may gone to drain,but at least,i tried,i tried to do smth for the one i love so much.haiz its so pain looking at ur face w/o a smile,i wish i can juz hug u and protect u frm anything and bring u to ur happiness,but i am not so powerful, cant. hope u wun so much troubles,i will help u thru ur troubles i wan u happy,trust my word my love for u arent say say only,i will prove it. i am sorry i am selfish,i wanna spend time wif u alone,i will change,i will juz be by ur side silently nxt time,i will change for u. i can just hope u will love me someday,but i dun force u,because i rather me being sad alone than u suffer,in my mind U will always be before me...
i wan to share this song "xiao chou yu" by luo zhi xiang wif u...
this song is abt a clown fish that loves a girl,and the girl is wif other guy,and the fish can juz swim around the girl and protect and care for her,and the girl cannt see the fish sadness,and its holding on for long.and all along the fish is juz pinning on an impossible hope.and the fish is juz contented to bring the girl happiness,and it will accept the fact tt they can juz be fren,and always waiting for the girl.... =( joyce i love u so much...haiz i m holding on...the sadness is nth compared to ur happiness =)

2006-09-25T23:58:00.000-07:00

hi...blog...i m feeling damn sad now. i have been loving one girl since i came into rp,and she is a very kind,sweet and cute girl,it was love at first sight i can say. she is one popular girl,many guys like him too,but by chance,i got into same grp as her in the orientation camp and i got to noe her,and get closer to her. she was very good, and she really is the girl i am looking for, i swear,its like maybe to her i m just a fren but to me,she`s almost everythng.i still rmb the day when we went to the sentosa trip together,when we were at harbourfront center she held my arms,i am damn happy, raelly wish time could end at that instance,although it was just nth much,she may just do it for fun,but to me it means alot,i really want to hold her arm and bring her to somewhr quiet and tell her that i like her,but i dun dare.i rmb we went into a cheers shop,she saw one pig plushie keychain,she said she like it and maybe it was juz some passing remark,i went down to the shop again alone,personally to juz make her happy,i hope by bringing her that ,she will be happy,and u noe wad,tt day was really lonely,i went there after sch,wif a heavy bag and thats not the worst,i took the wrong bus home,and i had no money left nor bus fare so i had to alight somewhere near my house,and i walked home,its a long journey from bukit batok to my house,i was sweating,and my leg hurts but i reach home at 10 plus and i was happy and eager to give her that thing. the nxt day i bring it to her class and she was happy,the look on her face,and she said so sweet,my heart melted,i really like the way she smile,she gave me a hug. that day i am damn happy,but i really just wanna her happy,so i did it on my own accord,coz i love her,really wanna just do everything for her but if i really could.

there were once i sent her home,she insisted not but i rush in to her train,i dun care,it was late,i do not wan her alone,and in the bus she gave me a kiss but wif her hands,i flew to the sky for a moment.i am really super happy ,do u noe that,how much love can u feel? its infinite...den during the hols,i wanted to c a doc for my legs for some excuse i went to tampines to see her and at the same time heal my legs,and afta tt we went to watch cars,u noe wad,i felt like hugging her ,she was so near to me yet so far,do u noe tt joyce? i m really sad u noe,every moment w/o u,u noe i wanted to take care of u badly,that i sure will,i can prove it,but i juz cannt. i dun dare to come closer,i am afraid i may scare u off,so many suitors getting ur attention whereas whr i stand?? i want u to notice me and put me to the top,possible??

these few days i got this joyce craze again and it was so much,because i thought goin to trainings ican 4get her but not,she was jus kept aside for a while and when it pops out,it cannt be control..haiz can u tell me how?? can u feel my pain?? haiz...i noe i cannot force u...really want u to be happy u noe? no matter wad take care of urself,i juz want to be a clown hiding behind u,making u happy whenever u need,doing things for u willingly,dun need to repay anything really!! i can do it.. i will always be by ur side..even when u need someone to vent ur anger let me be the one,or u juz want to dump me by a side,its okie,i will still be there... i love u very much JOYCE...!!!